位置

回来四个月了。
几乎完全重拾了过去的生活。忙碌的工作，侍奉，照顾家庭，享受友谊。
离开过，让我对现有的位置感恩。
曾和瑞龙聊起那种独自处在另一个社会的感觉。
在那里，我不是谁的家人，没有人和我有深厚不言而喻的友谊，没有收入，没有地位。
在教会，没有人认识我，知道我的过去或对我的未来有任何期望。
那时感觉很浮。深深知道我在那里的位置，很浅。像沙滩上的脚印，风一吹就散了。
从没有比那时候知道拥有共同的过去而建立的关系，是如此重要及难以取代。

很感恩，我在这里的“位置”没有因为离开过而改变。
我较懂得珍惜我在家中的“位置”和责任；
我庆幸在工作场所中，大家不止为我保留了职位，也在心中保存了我的“位置”；
我欣喜在教会，我仿佛回到了一个很了解我，熟悉我的社群。它仿佛知道，有些是就是该我做，有些事就是该某人做。它对我有信任，要求和期望，我对它也有某种依赖和责任。

我感恩拥有那离开一年的经历和历练。
它使我能够以一个较成熟的姿态来迎接我生命中的个个“位置”。
感恩，感恩。

Hugs

I hugged a friend today. Or did the friend hugged me? It was after I handed her a birthday gift that she gave me a hug. I believe that was a gesture of thanks.
But I believe, something is missing...
It was a brief one. I think its a culture thing. As Chinese we generally don't feel very at easy with hugs, maybe even a little shy. Though as a younger generation, we can do with a courtesy hug, and at times do find it meaningful, we generally do not immerse in the hug and feel it.

Something that I experienced differently in Vancouver was hugs.
First was when I first arrived in Regent to meet the International Student Coordinator. She's a Canadian, and she hugged me the first thing I entered her office. I nearly cried, because that was really a warm gesture when I felt all alone in a foreign land.
The second was on my last night in Vancouver. I remembered especially how a Japanese friend made me feel so different as she hugged me when I bade farewell. It was a gentle locking of arms and bodies PLUS an unexpected tight squeeze, to bring me really close to her. It was really warm and released the dam that was holding back tears in my eyes.
Those hugs were not formalities. Those were hugs that were not in a hurry. Those were hugs that seized and enjoyed the moment. Those were hugs that respected each other as beings created in God's image. Those were hugs in which love and messages were exchanged not through words.

Sorry that I didn't hug well today.
I'll replay when there's a chance. :-)

Hug hug...

最后第二份作业

很久没回来写写了。
今晚收到了我离开维真(Regent College）前所交的最后第二份作业。
最后一份应该也很快会收到。
那将是我完成维真课程，正式告别维真和温哥华的一个休止符。

其实回到新加坡也快两个月了。
可以说老早就告别了维真和温哥华。
但我始终还没有争气的为这一段如此特别的日子写下一篇总结来向自己交待。
就约定，在收到最后一份作业时写下一个回忆。

缅怀维真， 温哥华。。。

真，善，美， 之 美

歌舞剧对我来说， 有着很特别的魅力。
常令我血脉膨胀， 内心汹涌澎湃，久久不能自己。
特别是有机会观赏跨时代的经典佳作， 又在当中看到上帝的恩慈和荣耀。
心中的激动更是无法言喻。

羡慕，激赏，感叹，感恩。
这是我追求的美。



Lyrics | Enjolras, The Stude - Do You Hear the People Sing? lyrics




Lyrics | Eponine - On My Own lyrics


Drink with me to days gone by
To the life that used to be
At the shrine of friendship, never say die
Let the wine of friendship never run dry
Here's to you and here's to me


I must get the sound track!

A Dinner and a Breakfast

THE DINNER
Cheese, crackers and dips as snacks or prelude to the dinner as people sit down to chat.
A sit down dinner for all, each with a full set of cutlery.
Respect for everyone's choice of drink; red wine, white wine, juice, water.
Delightful desserts: soft sponge cake, with Jelly, plus fresh strawberries, and chocolate coated strawberries and topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.
Ending it with your choice of hot drink, be it Green tea, Chamomile tea, Cappuccino, Americano, Espresso, Latte, etc. Even if they have to make just one cup of that drink for you.
Good time chatting with the hostess who is the only stranger at the table, making a point to go round the table to know you personally.

This dinner, is free, hosted at one of my lecturer's home.
A beautiful expression of respect and celebration of each person's individuality. They take every trouble and every extravagance they can for every small details to make one feel comfortable. And this is not a restaurant. Its a home dinner.


THE BREAKFAST
When I was first invited to a friend's place for breakfast just to get together, I was like...why breakfast? isn't there a better time to get together than that? I would never invite anyone to my place for breakfast as that would mean that I have to get up early to make sure my place is in order, and to prepare breakfast.
But well, since am an invitee here, I gladly go, and thinking to myself that I shall make sure that I eat whatever that is served whether or it is to my liking (since this is a Argentinian friend who had invited me and I almost only like Chinese food).

It turn out that I totally enjoyed the breakfast! Since there was only 3 of us, we have lots of opportunities to girls talk, share about our thoughts, feelings dreams and aspirations. I appreciate such efforts to 'get together'.

I think it is not only the Chinese who got it. The Westerners are getting it too. That food brings people together. And it is not the food, but the people that is the focus.

Let's be aware

Long time ago, people think Christianity is about gaining political power.
For some time, they realized: oops! they were mistaken.
Then for a long time, Christianity evolved into some high and mighty kind of tradition and rules.
So through a period of time, some people protested, and Christianity became personal and engaging.
While at no time did Christianity advocated war and hatred;
At specific times, Christianity were the reason for much bloodshed and killing.
Perhaps many a times, Christianity looked imperialistic.
But there were times when some good were done through mistakes.
Slipping through time, Christianity somewhat slipped from the front stage to the backdrop of society.
But now come a time, when scrutiny is on Christianity.

So what is Christianity about?
Political control? power? traditions? rules? personal transcendental experience? a good social group? sacrificial love? life-givingness?

In such a time, it is especially important that we be aware indeed of what Christianity is all about.

Ooooh...Monastery

I had a course that brought us to Westminster Abbey Monastery for a retreat the previous weekend.
Before going, I was thinking...hmmm...Monastery...interesting...but perhaps, I've gotta be prepared for a less than comfortable stay, since its after all a monastery...
To make sure I had a clean decent place to lie in, I brought along my sleeping bag so that I can at least cocoon in it.

But well, to my pleasant surprise, the monastery is so cool in its quiet ways. Best of all, we were given a nice simple and clean room each! I think the beauty of the room is in its simplicity. No TV, no internet. Just the place to make me spend time with myself and God instead of escaping into the virtual world.

Stepping out of the building, the monastery is built on a hill overseeing a Frasers Valley. Its a beautiful sight. One can mistaken the place for Europe.

A little about the Monastery:
- there's about thirty over monks residing in the monastery (some old some young and handsome).
- they wear black robe, totally a fashion statement.
- the monks plant their own vegetables and rear their own animals for meat.
- their daily life revolve around five (or seven, can't remember. Confused with the Muslims) prayer times throughout the day. They arrange their work and activities around the prayer time. Not the other way round.

That's about it. Some photos for your viewing pleasure.




my simple little room.










a little cemetery for the monks. Once there, they are to be there forever. literally.













I cheated... this is a picture taken from a postcard.

What I've learn lately ...

1. To consider the opportunity to serve as well in choosing church; relationship is not necessary the only consideration. (this is when having tea with Kaman)

2. As Christians, I should see myself as work against over arching structures to do what God would have us do. " ...行公义，好怜悯，以谦卑的心于我的神同行。" (this is from history tutorial on 18/19 Century, the group of pple who fought against the social structure and systems to abolish slavary and introduced many good things.)

3. Never to treat people as an object (from the movie "Wit" by Emma Thompson; and from history tutorial's discussion on socialization as oppose to community) One should not be Educating workers for the workforce. As a teacher or education workers, one educates people, citizens. Do not objectify people.

4. Someone said Chinese just want to be left alone (judging from the lack of response from chinese students to comment on the missionary work during lecture). Chinese as a race, suffered or perhaps still suffers a sense of shame from the opium war. The great determination to do well in the Olympic 2008 might be a manifestation of this, an attempt to recover from the shame. It is also strange that Chinese seems to hv to follow what the westerners do to prove their own worth. eg. want to have the largest Gucci outlet in Shanghai, etc. Not like the Italians, or Germans or French, they just do what they like or good at or want regardless of what the English is doing. (this is from history lecture on missionaries and events in China in the 18/19 Century, as well as conversation with Anson.)

5. Sunday school shaped the mindset of people in the 18/19 Century! Such powerful work. 在小事上忠心，在大事上有成就。 (this is from history lecture on 18/19Century. The group of friends including Hanna Moore who brought many positive changes to the world.)

6. Christians need to know, listen to the world around them, in order to engage the world meaningfully. Should not assume the world is waiting to hear what you have to say. this is why Christian Art is often seen as boring, not standard, even propaganda. (this is from CTC reading)

7. What makes one human? memories and imaginations... (I've always knew memories got to do with it, hence my 我怀念的。。。entries)


Just some of my learnings and thoughts that I want to document. Nevermind if you can't make head and tail out of it...


no particular reason for choosing this picture. Simply, I like it...

长发为君剪

他的身材瘦削，外表并不出众。
他的声音柔和，有点啰嗦。
他的地方陈设，中西合并，还养了几只小鹦鹉。
他工作认真，一丝不苟，仔细分析，超时工作。
他专业，专注，追求完美。
他诚恳，可以说不计酬劳。
不像他的同行那样不停地推荐他们认为客人需要的服务。
提到自己有客人所需的产品时，还十分不好意思。

为这一切，我交出了我的。。。长发。
其实没想到他真的不客气。
是福是祸都还好。因为头发会继续长。哈哈！


Am definitely more brave than Mao when it comes to haircut. Perhaps too brave.

我怀念的。。。高中，中文学会篇

我一定是太闷了。。。竟然想起高中在中文学会的日子。

当时的我演过孕妇。。。剧名叫《电梯》。
当时的我被学长们认为有责任感而选为副主席。
当时的我被舞台的魅力和台下的团队精神深深吸引，感动，着迷。
当时的我常呆在学校温习功课到晚上九点钟学校关门。
当时的我早上因迟到了，很恨那长廊，晚上回家时，却很享受漫步长廊。
当时的我很喜欢夜里的蓝园。
当时的我喜欢在蓝园唱《担心》，听朋友唱《爱的代价》， 《我愿意》，
《伤痕》，《将心照亮》，《细水长流》 《祝福》，《分享》等歌曲。
当时的我第一次真的觉得自己有领导能力。
当时的我第一次开始导戏，也当所谓的舞台总监。
当时的我会为了筹备演出， 而劳心劳力，把自己累到不行。
当时的我虽然有穷到饿肚子的经验，但也从来不把它当一回事。
当时的我也八卦谁喜欢谁， 当然，也有些追求者。
当时的我因一位学弟对我说：
“本来看你的样子不知道你为什么会是副主席，但现在觉得你应该是主席。”而感到非常自豪。
当时的我拥有不同层面的友谊，很庆幸也从当时开始了一段很深长的友谊。
当时的我每次测验考试紧张时，都会告诉自己我是带着许多人的祝福和祷告进考场的而常能镇定下来。
当时的我常因测验名列前茅而感到开心。
当时的我也第一次尝试到重重的失败，几乎崩溃，知道付出不一定会有成果。

当时的一切多少都造就今天的我，和今天的回忆。

"The" etc...

The Reader
上星期六看了一场电影。
影片结束之后，看到演员名单才知道那女主角是Kate Winslet。
天哪！不知到是化妆成功，还是她真的老了。 我竟然人不得她！

[有意去观赏此电影的请别读这段故事叙述以免扫兴。]
故事开始讲述一位德国少年，和一位三四十岁的女子（Henna）发展了一段暧昧关系。Henna总喜欢在与少年发生性行为前或后要少年为她朗读书籍。
但Henna竟在她从巴士售票员被擢升成文员时， 舍弃工作和少年不告而别。
少年后来当见习律师时，惊见Henna在犯人滥里被提控，告她和另六位女子在德国战争当女看守员时，没有在看守房失火时开锁让她们看守的女战俘逃命。
其他被告都指诬指Henna是当时后的负责人并亲笔写了文件通告指示不可开门。
少年知道控状绝对可以被推翻因为他回想时发觉Henna并不识字。
但Henna 却为了不愿当众承认自己是文盲，而承认罪状， 并被判了终身监禁。
已成为律师的少年，在下来的二三十年， 虽然从来没有去探监，
但一直为Henna 录制自己朗读的书籍，让Henna 有机会在监牢慢慢的识字。
当Henna 已是白发苍苍的老婆婆时，她得到了假释。
由于她无亲无故，已步入中年的律师为她安排了她假释后的住宿和生活。
但在她被释放的前几天，她竟然上吊结束自己的生命。


Henna为那律师带来的震撼也是给每位观众的震撼。
我相信是骄傲（pride)驱使了Henna 的决定.
她宁愿坐牢也不愿承认自己是文盲。
她结束生命，因为已白发苍苍的她已不能像以前一样以身体来换取少年为她朗读书籍或任何事。



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The Slacker
发现独自一人， 是比较容易颓废的。
睡到日上三竿， 自然醒。
天气不是下雨就是下雪。想去哪里都没,还要冒着没有公共交通回来的危险。
看书， 上网，听广播， 感觉上是无所事事。

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The true service provider
那天巴士在雪地上慢慢的行使，偏僻的路上有一女子在跑。司机停下巴士，开门问女子是要追巴士还是在跑步。
虽然真的很难想象有人会要在下着雪的雪地上跑步，穿着有笨重，但那女子还是说她在跑步。
司机祝她跑步愉快，就继续开动巴士。
很温馨的以客为本的服务精神。
听说，晚上九点过后，还可以要求司机在顺路，不影响交通的情况下，让乘客指定下车地点， 好让乘客能安全到家。
温哥华的公共交通司机极少专注搭客是否有付车资。地铁更是大致上依赖人们诚实地付车资， 除了突击检查（random check)没有任何闸门来控管付款程序。
乘客呢，也有好些会在下车时高声谢车长的。
值得学习。

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The missing of "if there's seasons..."
"这里没有季节，只有天气。。。"
我在有季节，有天气的地方，想念着那没有季节只有天气的地方。
心痛。。。因为将错过。。。
唉。。。